


Diversions

by Glassdarkly



Series: SB Fag Ends Drabbles and Short Fics Miscellaneous [4]
Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, POV Female Character, Post-Series, Prompt Fill, References to Shakespeare
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-22
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-03-08 16:27:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3215810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glassdarkly/pseuds/Glassdarkly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's one last spicy chicken wing on the plate, and Spike will do anything, no matter how nefarious, to get it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Diversions

**Author's Note:**

> First posted on the SB Fag Ends Livejournal Community in January 2013. Theme: All the World's a Stage. For the Shakespearian place names prompt, incorporating all the options: Athens, Illyria, Venice, Vienna, Windsor. 
> 
> Apologies to Mr Shakespeare for the extreme silliness.

"Not so fast, mister."

Buffy whisked the plate of spicy chicken wings away from Spike's grasping hand. 

"You've had more than your share. That last one's mine."

Spike adopted what he probably thought was a winning pout. "Oh come on, Slayer. Thought you said you were full."

"I am," Buffy agreed. "But later I won't be, so I'm having this one bagged to go."

Spike eyed the chicken wing with regret, then gazed deep into Buffy's eyes, solemn-faced. "How much do you know about Shakespeare?" 

Buffy blinked at the complete _non sequitur_. Spike's expression had become suspiciously bland as well. 

He was up to something. Definitely.

Well, forewarned was forearmed.

She made her eyes big. "Who?"

Spike's look of outrage was delightful. She leaned forward and patted his hand. 

"Just kidding. I know enough about Shakespeare to know he has nothing to do with my last chicken wing. Which you still can't have."

When Spike continued to regard her with his patented _what do they teach them in schools these days?_ expression (which she recognised because it was exactly the same as Giles's), she said, 

"Okay, _okay_! He wrote all those great plays. _Hamlet_ , and stuff. _To be or not to be?_ "

Spike didn't look as impressed as she'd hoped. Instead, he took a swallow of his beer, wiped his mouth with his sleeve, and said, "I'll concede you're not totally ignorant, but did you also know that Shakespeare was an agent of the Grand Order of Illuminati, and his plays are full of coded messages?"

She blinked at him again. "Er...no?"

"Well, they are." Spike glanced over his shoulder, as if, Buffy thought, he expected these Illumination guys to be standing right behind him, like a demon Con Ed when you hadn't kept up with your payments. 

"For one thing," he stage-whispered, "the place names in the plays are clues to help identify some really nasty demons."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "This is a joke, right?"

"Nope." Spike's expression was deadly serious. "Ask old Rupert next time he's in town. Shakespeare was a right chip off the old Rosicrucian block."

"A what now?"

"Take Venice, for instance," Spike went on, ignoring Buffy's confusion. "The setting for two plays - _Othello_ and _The Merchant of Venice_. What does that tell us?"

"Er..." Buffy began, then hesitated. _This is a trap. Don't fall into it. Also, you're not in high school any more._

_Cute teacher, though._

She smiled sweetly at him. "Why don't you just tell me?"

"All right, then." Spike glanced over his shoulder again and lowered his voice even more. "See, Venice is a code name for a demon that either skins people alive, or screws with their heads so bad they kill their nearest and dearest."

"Huh." Buffy took a sip of her coke. "Well, at least it's versatile." 

"Then there's Athens," Spike went on, "setting for two more plays - _A Midsummer Night's Dream_ and _Timon of Athens_."

Buffy had never heard of the second one. "Do tell. All that stuff about fairies is code for a demon that turns people into donkeys, right?" 

Spike grinned. "Got it in one, Slayer. See, if you were a member of the Grand Order of Illuminati, and one of these demons was about, you could warn other Illuminati. Athens, you'd say to them, and they'd know what you meant at once."

Buffy was fascinated despite herself. "What about that other Athens play you mentioned - _Simon_ , was it?"

" _Timon_ ," Spike said, in a martyred tone. "The demon that's about is especially insidious. It turns you into a miserable, broody git who everyone can't stand, like Angel." 

"Moving on," he said hurriedly, off Buffy's look of reproof. "There's Vienna, from _Measure For Measure_ , which is demons who tempt you to do bad stuff by giving you power you can't handle. Then there's Windsor, from _The Merry Wives of_...well, _Windsor_ , which is demons who, er....make fun of dodgy old aristocrats."

He glanced over his shoulder yet again. "Then, of course, from _Twelfth Night_ there's Illyria."

"Where?" Buffy's hackles rose. She half-stood and looked over Spike's shoulder, then all around. No sign of the annoying Godking. _Oh, right. Not the real one._

Spike was wiping his mouth on his sleeve again when she sat down.

"It's okay. You don't have to explain this one. Illyria is code for body-stealing demons with tragic fashion sense, who have the nerve to think they own other people's boyfriends."

Spike blinked. "No-ot quite what I was going for, but - did you just say boyfriend?"

Buffy glared at him. "What's it to you?"

Spike hunched his shoulders. "Um...nothing? That is, unless you meant me."

Buffy made a show of looking around the room again.

"I don't see anyone else here, do you? Well, apart from all the other bar patrons, but you know what I mean."

She glared harder at Spike. "Not that you deserve it - with the not-calling and the nearly getting yourself killed _again_ , not to mention that dragon."

Spike looked hangdog, but also, ever so slightly smug, and Buffy glared at him some more.

"So, what _were_ you going for, with Illyria?" Her tone, she hoped, conveyed what thin ice he was standing on.

"Well," he said, sounding suitably chastened, "was going for less body-stealing fashion victim, more gender confused anachronism with illusions of grandeur."

He took her hand in his and twined their fingers together. "Anyway, unlike the other demons in Shakespeare, which are real, Illyria is just a distraction."

They stared at each other. After a moment, Buffy said, "A distraction from what?"

Spike grinned at her, then indicated her plate.

Buffy looked from the empty plate to his smug face - and was that barbecue sauce around his mouth?- and back again. How the hell......? 

"Why, you..." she began, but he interrupted her. 

"That's another thing you can learn from Shakespeare, Slayer...."

She groaned. "There's more? What now?" 

His grin became a full-on smirk.

"Never underestimate a bloke called William."


End file.
